Do You Trust Yourself?

Do You Trust Yourself?
By Shavon Carter

Trust is often seen as something we give to others and is foundational to maintaining a long-lasting relationship. We trust our friends, families, colleagues, and even systems and institutions. But what do you do when the person you don’t trust is YOU? How do you maintain a relationship with yourself while experiencing feelings of betrayal, doubt, and lack of confidence that seem to haunt you daily?

Before we answer that question, let’s explore why self-trust is important.

The Importance of Self-Trust

Self-trust is not about believing you are always right or perfect, nor is it about having an unwavering belief in your abilities without room for growth or improvement. It’s about having faith in your capacity to handle challenges, learn from mistakes, and make decisions that align with your values and desires. It’s about creating an internal safe space that fosters self-compassion and kindness. If you’re reading this and saying to yourself, “I’m not there yet,” it’s okay. Knowing the importance of self-trust provides an opportunity to set goals for the type of relationship you want to have with yourself.

Now that you know the importance of self-trust, what does it look like when you don’t trust yourself?

When you don’t trust yourself, you may:

• Doubt your decisions and depend on validation from others
• Not advocate for yourself and your needs
• Exhibit low self-esteem and lack confidence in your abilities and choices
• Constantly judge and criticize yourself for your decisions
• Regret the decisions that you make
• Lack clear boundaries with people
• Stay busy to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings

This is not an exhaustive list, but hopefully you get an idea of what the lack of self-trust could look like for you. It was probably never your intention to walk around not trusting yourself; however, it may feel like an automatic way of being that is as familiar and comfortable as a warm, cozy blanket on a cold winter day. The good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way. It is possible to shift your beliefs about yourself and develop confidence within that is sustainable.

How can you build self-trust?

1. Be honest with yourself: A vital part of trusting yourself is acknowledging that the lack of trust in yourself exists. Many of us struggle with it, often due to past experiences where we failed to meet our expectations, or external voices told us we weren’t enough. Owning your truth and being honest about how you feel is okay.

2. Practice self-reflection: Instead of judging and criticizing yourself for how you got to this point, get curious about your actions, choices, and emotions to understand yourself better. For example, instead of ruminating on what you believe are “bad” relationship choices, ask yourself what contributed to those decisions. What were you feeling and what did you need that led to you choosing those individuals? What did you learn from those experiences, and what do you want now? The more you seek to understand yourself, the greater the opportunity to experience self-acceptance, extend grace, and increase trust.

3. Make small commitments to yourself: Start by setting small, achievable goals and follow through with them. Whether it’s getting to work on time, completing a task, or choosing a healthy meal option, keeping promises to yourself builds confidence and reinforces trust.

4. Set boundaries with others: – An essential aspect of self-trust is being able to advocate for your needs and well-being. Setting boundaries is a direct reflection of your trust in your judgment and awareness of what is healthy and necessary for your emotional, mental, and physical health.

5. Practice self-compassion: Trusting yourself means extending grace and kindness to yourself, especially when things don’t go as planned. Be patient with yourself, knowing you’re on a journey and that growth is not an overnight process.

When you trust yourself, you unlock the power to face life with courage, resilience, and the understanding that you have the strength to overcome no matter what happens. So, know that you’re worth putting forth the effort to build that trust.